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BOULDER, CO—After he single-handedly transformed what was once a humble get-together into a full-on rager, bystanders reported Wednesday that double-jointed man Greg Thiede has blown the fucking roof off the party by doing weird things with his arms. “Whoa! The cracking noises coming out of this guy’s elbows and shoulders are taking this party to the next fucking level,” reported one enraptured party guest, amazed by Thiede’s ability to capture the attention of an entire room full of party guests as he bent his ultra-flexible limbs into an array of never-before-seen contortions. “Things were winding down, so I was about to start heading home, but then Greg started doing some cool stuff with his finger joints. Next thing I knew, he was bending his arms fully backwards, and my mind was blown. Fucking insane. I’ve never had more fun in my life.” At press time, guests were whipped into an ecstatic frenzy when Thiede moved on from his battery of arm and hand tricks and began to stuff his entire fist into his mouth.