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This Tuesday, millions of American citizens will exercise their right to vote. The Onion presents a historical timeline of how voting rights in the U.S. have developed.
1776: Framers grant voting rights to all their boys: Big Jeff, Mikey G., Nick T., Nick P., Skinny Rick, and Timbo.
1920: The suffragettes win the right to vote with a rollicking kickline.
1964: The gracious and benevolent aristocracy ended poll taxes after being hornswoggled by the poors.
1968: Nebraska allows well-constructed scarecrows to vote.
1971: The voting age is lowered to 18 after scientists determine that the governmental lobe is fully developed by this age.
1975: Voting materials translated into Elvish for first time to help nerds vote.
1984: Voting age lowered to 13 if accompanied by an adult.
2018: Mom figures out how to text-to-vote for Dancing With The Stars.
2023: Line to vote in 2024 Georgia general election begins to form.
2046: Directive 2789HX-p90 expands the electorate by ending the discriminatory use of the Turing test.