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Former President Donald Trump said at his rally in Green Bay, WI that he would “protect” women “whether the women like it or not,” remarks that that risk losing him more support from female voters in the final stretch of his campaign. What do you think? “I said the same exact thing when I got […]
The post Undeterred Yankees Fan Attempts To Wrestle World Series Trophy Away From Mookie Betts appeared first on The Onion. Source link
PALM BEACH, FL—Asserting that the pair had not been close “for decades” prior to the financier’s death, Donald Trump admitted Friday that his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein was severed after a dispute over dibs on the former president’s daughter Ivanka Trump. “We had a very good time for many years, but it was unfortunately Ivanka […]
BRYANT POND, ME—Describing the moment as a “transformative experience” that inspired him to embrace God and read the Bible, a piss-soaked Tucker Carlson claimed Friday that a demon had urinated on him while he was sleeping. “One moment I was asleep in bed, and the next, my boxers were absolutely soaked with what could only be the urine of […]
The post Las Vegas Unveils New Swim-Up Voting Booths appeared first on The Onion. Source link
More than 250,000 Washington Post readers have canceled their subscriptions since the newspaper announced last week that it would not make an endorsement in the presidential race, with many arguing that owner Jeff Bezos made the decision to safeguard his other business interests. What do you think? “Nothing a few hundred layoffs won’t fix.” Simon […]
This Tuesday, millions of American citizens will exercise their right to vote. The Onion presents a historical timeline of how voting rights in the U.S. have developed. 1776: Framers grant voting rights to all their boys: Big Jeff, Mikey G., Nick T., Nick P., Skinny Rick, and Timbo. 1920: The suffragettes win the right to […]
MEHLVILLE, MO—Crossing her state’s eastern border into Illinois to find a more distant fire station, Missouri resident Eileen Fayette reportedly opted to surrender her baby in a Safe Haven Baby Box a couple towns over Wednesday so that it wouldn’t be able to crawl back. “I heard somewhere that as long as your scent is […]
Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe compared Puerto Rico to “a floating island of garbage” at former President Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally, drawing backlash from the Harris campaign, Puerto Rican celebrities, and some Republicans. What do you think? “And yet the media is totally quiet on Mr. Bean’s wild antics.” Norma Valentine, Trachea Inspector “That was a […]
Authentic countryside silo pre-furnished with 550 tons of dried corn. Priced to sell, as the previous owner died of asphyxiation. Reference #829583 The post Bucolic Silo appeared first on The Onion. Source link