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(OPINION) It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Christian of good character must be in want of a spouse.
As a single woman in my 20s, I’ve experienced my fair share of matchmaking attempts and not-so-subtle comments about eligible bachelors.
While I used to find this annoying, I’ve come to realize that I don’t mind being set up. There’s just one problem — most of what I’ve experienced isn’t matchmaking. It’s hinting.
Most well-meaning matchmakers simply mention that “so-and-so is a nice boy” or watch closely when a man my age is in the vicinity, sending me the occasional knowing look or nod of encouragement.
That’s a hint, not a setup. There’s no gracious way for me to respond to an assertion that so-and-so is a nice young man. I usually resort to nervous laughter and brush off the comment. This isn’t necessarily because I’m uninterested; there’s just no good way to respond.
Other attempts center on throwing me into proximity with someone. In multiple cases, I’ve been told that I’m being set up, but no one told the guy that! The setup solely hinged on putting us in the same room and hoping for the best. That can feel awkward, to say the least. Have you ever tried to act normally while people watch to see if you’re hitting it off with Dave from small group?
I won’t pretend to be a dating expert. In fact, you might call me chronically single (hence my experience with setups). However, as I matured in my dating philosophy, I realized that the church is an integral part of creating healthy relationships. I want to get married and have a family, and dating is hard.
I need Christians I trust — my church family — to connect me with like-minded, faithful men.
Matchmaking shouldn’t be complicated, and if you follow some basic guidelines, it can be simple.
So, for the aspiring matchmakers out there, here are a few tips.
1. Use a tried-and-true, foolproof way to know if someone is willing to be set up — ask! Check with both people before moving forward.
2. Make sure you can recommend both parties. Do you know each person’s character? Can you vouch for him or her? (Please note that “single Christian with a pulse” is not a ringing endorsement.)
3. Most importantly, offer an actionable step. Invite both parties over for dinner. Set up a blind date. Whatever it is, bring an ask to the table — something that can be accepted or declined, even if it’s as simple as, “Can I give your number to Andrew?”
So, please, set me up! I’ll go on the blind date! I’ll give out my number!
If you ask permission, can vouch for the person and have an actionable step that I can take, I am willing to meet new people and make new connections.
Now, for the necessary disclaimers.
To the aspiring matchmakers out there: Thank you for helping people connect. Don’t take it personally if a match doesn’t work out. Successful setups allow two people to get to know each other. Additional expectations can be counterproductive.
To my fellow single Christians: I know that dating is hard. It’s OK if you don’t want to be set up, but I’d encourage you to be open to new possibilities. At the very least, you’ll meet new people.
Finally, to the brave souls who have set me up: Thank you. I truly appreciate it.
This piece is republished from The Christian Chronicle.