West Ham v Everton, Wolves v Southampton, and more: clockwatch – live

Simon McMahon in Scotland says: Dundee United have looked like a different team in the second half – one that can actually play football – and deservedly now lead 2-0 thanks to goals from Luca Stephenson and Sam Dalby. Bog standard celebration, but I’ll take them.

A week in the life of Stockport County:

Consign West Ham v Everton to the rubbish bin and let it never be seen again. It might not even make the last slot on Match of the Day, in truth.

Portsmouth have had a right day of it. Colby Bishop is back on the pitch for them after successful heart surgery – a great story, that – but that story has just got better, as the Pompey forward slots away a penalty kick against Preston.

Lap it up, Colby. 3-1.

Sunderland 2-2 Coventry: Maybe Cov don’t need Mark Robins after all! Few saw this fightback from the Sky Blues coming but it’s been completed by Jack Rudoni, to leave the Stadium of Light utterly stunned.

GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-2 Fulham (Wilson ’83)

League One: Harvey Knibbs has helped Reading level up at Stevenage while Leyton Orient are storming to victory over Blackpool. They’re 3-0 up and cruising.

Southampton are huffing and puffing in search of a route back into this game against Wolves and, while it’s been nervy for the home side at times, their lack of penetration and precision in the final third is undermining Russell Martin’s team.

Red card: It goes from bad to worse for Palace, who have been outplayed by Fulham today. Daichi Kamada, who has been poor in general, is shown a straight red for a dreadful tackle.

I’m very happy to publicise this email from Kevin Wilson as it makes a salient point:

Looking at that Brighton tweet with their line-up, presumably this is listed in order of player number. Am I wrong to find that incredibly annoying? List them in formation order!

Summerville hits the post for West Ham! That was the chance to turnaround their fortunes this afternoon, but it’s passed them by. The anguish goes on for Lopetegui.

José Sá has taken a couple of knocks today and found himself on the deck a fair bit. This latest one looks a bit nasty and the medical staff have taken their time to sort out the Wolves goalkeeper.

Bundesliga: Borussia Dortmund have been beaten at Mainz and Leverkusen held at Bochum. So it’s a good day for Vincent Kompany and Bayern Munich, who saw out a nervy 1-0 win at St Pauli, with Jamal Musiala netting the game’s only goal.

Barry Glendenning is your man for this evening’s south coast doozy.

League One: Last time I checked, it was Crawley 1-0 Huddersfield … it’s now Crawley 2-2 Huddersfield with the latest goal coming from Herbie Kane.

It’s a good day if your surname is Bogle. Omar has just scored for Crewe to take the lead at Walsall, with Jayden having drilled Leeds ahead at Elland Road.

Everton have threatened through Jesper Lindstrøm but a goal doesn’t appear to be forthcoming at the London Stadium.

Oooh Sunderland have been pegged back by Coventry’s Haji Wright. A twist in the tale at the SoL?

Leeds are still in a precarious position against QPR, just 1-0 up. My mistake earlier on saying it was 2-0.

League One: Stockport are having heaps of fun against Bolton, 4-0 now. Birmingham have finally broken through against Northampton via marquee summer signing Jay Stansfield. It’s hotting up atop the third tier.

Someone call Simon McMahon – Dundee United are in front against Ross County!

Team news has rolled in for the 5.30pm kick off:

GOAL! Brentford 3-2 Bournemouth (Wissa ’58)

League One: Peterborough have five now against Cambridge and Stockport have raced to a 3-0 lead over Bolton. Goals, goals, goals.

GOAL! Wolves 2-0 Southampton (Cunha ’51)

Smith Rowe at the double is he? There’s a VAR check for offside on this one … Fulham think they’ve clinched a 2-0 lead at Selhurst Park.

They haven’t. After an infuriatingly long check, the goal is chalked out.

Just 80 seconds between those two goals at the Gtech. Brentford’s home games have provided some serious entertainment this season, although whether Thomas Frank will have truly enjoyed them is a different matter.

GOAL! Brentford 2-2 Bournemouth (Damsgaard ’50)

GOAL! Brentford 1-2 Bournemouth (Kluivert ’49)

Second halves get under way around the country and it’s a dream start for the home side at Edgeley Park, Kyle Wooton makes it 2-0 for Stockport against Bolton.

Can West Ham muster something – anything – after the break? The signs for Julen Lopetegui are not good.

ESR = VG.

Half-time means celebrations chat can continue and Tom Hopkins adds some thoughts:

It’s taking the shirt off and throwing it to one side for me. Whether you think it’s a stupid rule or not, it’s been an automatic yellow for donkey’s years. Just do something else. If it’s really the case that players so completely lose the run of themselves in the moment that they can’t help it, how are non-celebrations against former clubs a thing?

Yeah, less of the non-celebration. Let’s have more players going full Adebayor.

HT scores – Scottish Premiership

HT scores – League Two

HT scores – League One

HT scores –Championship

HT scores – Premier League

GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-1 Fulham (Smith Rowe ’45+2)

Goals are flying in now especially in the Championship and League One. While I wait for the half-time scores to roll in, here’s your roundup of the second tier action so far today.

Important news from Charlie Pite on email:

Watching Orient vs Blackpool and thought you might like to know Sonny Perkins has just celebrated scoring the opener with a knee slide, albeit quite a cautious one.

Wayne Rooney’s Plymouth are level at Wayne Rooney’s former side Derby.

So much for that impenetrable Rams’ home record and insurmountable Argyle away struggle.

Keep your celebration icks coming in. This one is from Justin Madson:

One celebration I’d be okay never seeing again is putting the ball under the shirt and sucking the thumb. Just…. why?

As an expectant father myself, I semi-endorse this message, Jason. Choose one or the other. Doing them both simultaneously doesn’t make sense.

Bankers for your Saturday afternoon acca* as follows:

*Obviously one of these games will now finish 3-3.

More tetchy rumblings from supporters in Wolverhampton. Southampton are knocking on that door ahead of the half-time whistle, with new England callup Harwood-Bellis flashing a header wide from a Saints corner.

Championship: Lowly Portsmouth have a precious lead at home to Preston courtesy of Josh Murphy, while Sunderland have doubled their lead over Coventry through an absolute wordly by Dennis Cirkin. The Stadium of Light is absolutely bouncing!

It’s early days, but will anyone catch the Black Cats this season?

Talking of games lacking in excitement or eventfulness … Crystal Palace v Fulham is still locked at 0-0 with both defences in charge as it stands.

All the reports coming from West Ham v Everton centre on how lifeless and lacklustre it’s been so far. Seems to be no danger of an opening for either team in east London.

Another celebrations-related email, this time from Ken Coogan who joins me in raging against modern cellies.

The knee-slide brings out the rage in me I’m afraid to say. More and more, I find myself going back to watching YouTube clips of goals (mostly by Liverpool) from the 1980s, to marvel at such straight-ahead, no-nonsense goal celebrations. Most of which were signed off by a handshake. Not a single knee slide in sight.

BRING BACK THE HANDSHAKE.

League One: Will Collar has scored for Stockport to take the lead against Bolton in that all-Greater Manchester clash. Stevenage lead Reading 1-0 against the run of play. Incidentally, Will Collar uses the same barber as me. Big W.

Southampton are enjoying a heck of a lot of possession at Wolves and the home fans at Molineux, typically rather restless, are becoming … restless. Even though that Saints leveller was ruled out, the momentum seems to be withe the away team.

GOAL! Brentford 1-1 Bournemouth (Wissa ’27)

Let’s check in at the London Stadium … oh.