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PALM BEACH, FL—Lashing furiously at each other’s faces with their flailing hands, the Trump boys were reportedly engaged in a slap fight Friday over who would get to run their dad’s foreign policy meetings. “No, you got to do it last time, Eric—it’s my turn, it’s mine!” said Donald Trump Jr., who flinched and cried out “Ow!” after his younger brother Eric’s finger nearly made contact with his cheek. “It’s my turn to play with the foreign dignities [sic]! It’s my turn to meet the samurai king! Dad said I get to go on the plane with Uncle Jared! Dad, tell him! Tell him I can meet the samurai king. You promised! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!” At press time, Don Jr. was shrieking at the top of his lungs as Eric sank his teeth into his older brother’s hand.