Grieving parents create free haven for families facing infant loss

(FOX 9) – Pointing to the necklace with a tiny baby photo around her neck, Sarah Reimnitz says Eva would have been 4-years-old today.

“We keep this in her urn and then wear it like on her birthday or special occasions just to keep her with us,” said Sarah.

At full term, 40 weeks pregnant, suddenly Sarah realized the baby in her belly wasn’t moving.

“Everything was fine and dandy and normal, until it wasn’t,” says Sarah’s husband Nate Reimnitz.

Their world shattered, so Sarah and Nate made drastic changes personally and professionally. They sold their home and Nate took a year’s leave of absence from his physician assistant job in pediatric neurosurgery, and instead leaned into their faith and bought a ranch now named after Eva. The E. Lind Ranch in Afton offers couples consumed with loss, a place to grieve, at no cost.

“It’s a lonely place,” says Nate. “Not many people talk about it. Not many people are comfortable discussing grief in general, and then when you bring a child into the play, it’s a whole different ball game.”

“Nobody wants to see pictures of your dead grandbaby,” said Suzi Starks, grieving for the loss of her first and only grandchild.

Stark’s son and daughter-in-law tried to get pregnant for nearly a decade. Last Halloween, they announced they were expecting. But in June, their baby, Harlow, passed barely a few weeks before she would have been born.

“I think that, for me, that is the hardest part. I think of all of it as much as I’m mourning my granddaughter and wish that she were here, watching my son in that kind of pain is just you just can’t imagine,” says Starks.

Now Starks journals and has started a blog called Harlow’s Hope. She not only recognizes the pain mothers feel when a miscarriage of infant loss occurs, but also the heartache fathers, grandparents, and other loved ones can carry forever.

“It is a very lonely place. It’s very isolating because most people don’t go through this. Most people don’t talk about it,” said Starks.

“It needs to be talked about more because it’s a real part of life,” says Dr. Corrine Robinson, OB-GYN with HealthPartners. 

Dr. Robinson is open with her patients about her own pregnancy loss, in her first trimester. While late-term losses are much rarer, in total, miscarriages occur in about 30% of all women who get pregnant. Robinson believes even though it’s heartbreaking, more awareness is essential.

“There is nothing that will get you used to a silent delivery when a baby comes out and there is no sound in the room, it is probably the worst thing that we do,” said Dr. Robinson. “But I think that just someone telling their story and if it’s accessible to someone in a place at a time that they’re ready to hear it, what a gift that could be.”

Other gifts and support come through Halos of the St Croix Valley. The nonprofit offers everything from free funeral services to professional photography to bereaved parents. So far this year, of the families they helped, 141 babies were lost between early pregnancy to full term stillbirth. Capturing moments at the hospital, in a short window between birth and burial or cremation. Limited time in a loved one’s arms but viewed as precious for a lifetime.

“What helps me grieve for what helps me grow is different than what will help you grow and grieve, and same with Nate,” says Sarah.

In various ways, in the months or years that pass, life does go on. Yet for Sarah and Nate, the grief for the child that is missing never disappears. Everyone we spoke to hoped sharing their story would help someone else in similar pain, come out of silent suffering when they are ready.

“I hate that this happened. I would do anything to have my daughter,” said Sarah. “But I hope that we can be there for people who are going through the same thing, because the community is important.”