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(OPINION) Warning: Read this column at your own risk. This is a nut-case alert. The nut-case in this instance being … me. For I’m about to go full-throttle holy-roller wackadoodle on you.
I’m getting inquiries from folks about the broadening war among Israel, Hamas, Hezbollah and now Iran. Folks are asking, Is this it? The Big One? The End Times?
Because evangelical Christians have long connected the prophesied Second Coming of Jesus Christ to future events in the Middle East, I reliably receive these questions almost every time there’s a news story involving that region.
First Gulf War. 9/11. The U.S. invasion of Afghanistan. The U.S. invasion of Iraq. The arrival of red heifers in Israel (under one scenario, the breeding of these special cows supposedly will lead to the rebuilding of a Jewish temple in Jerusalem, which will presage Armageddon).
My typical answer, year after year, crisis after crisis, is along the lines of: “Not to worry. Take your nerve pill. Watch some old ‘Three Stooges’ movies.”
But this time I’m not saying that. This time might — I emphasize the “might” — be different. I don’t know, and I’m satisfied nobody other than God does know. I’m not running around the backyard with my hair on fire.
Still.
Growing up in a Southern Baptist and (later) Pentecostal milieu, I pretty much heard about the Rapture, the Great Tribulation, Armageddon and the Second Coming every other Sunday of my life. After I became a pastor myself, I got a steady stream of questions about those End Times, as they’re often referred to.
It’s not odd that many Christians would be concerned about how the world as we know it will come to its end. All kinds of people have that fascination and fear. Environmentalists fear that climate change will get us; for others it’s nuclear weapons or, more recently, artificial intelligence.
At some point years ago, it occurred to me I ought to research the Christian predictions of the end, in order to have informed answers.
This, in turn, led me down a bottomless eschatological rabbit hole, where I foraged around for a solid decade. I read books and articles exploring the various — nay, countless — Christian theories regarding the Last Days, from those of the earliest Christians through the medieval Roman Catholics, from postmillennialists to Millerites.
I pored through the prophetic Scriptures: Daniel, Revelation and the rest. I sat in a dusty seminary library overlaying maps of ancient, now-vanished kingdoms talked about in the Bible with contemporary world maps. I interviewed respected religion scholars.
I gathered so much information I even proposed writing a book on the subject to my publisher at the time. The publisher passed — wisely, in hindsight.
Finally, after 10 years with this project, my head hurt. I was even more confused than I’d been when I started. At about the turn of the millennium, almost a quarter-century ago, I finally stuffed my research in a drawer, gave up and moved on.
Not that I hadn’t reached any conclusions at all. I felt fairly sure about a few bits and pieces:
— I no longer believed in the much-ballyhooed Rapture, the idea that Jesus will snatch millions of Christians out of the world shortly before it descends into chaos, fire and plagues.
— I still believed the events leading to the end would be centered on the Middle East, and specifically on Israel.
— Predicting a timeline is a fool’s errand, but it did seem we weren’t there yet. The 2020s or 2030s would be a much likelier time for things to unfold, I suggested to friends.
— Israel’s central antagonists at the end would include Iran, Russia and China. Their hostility and Israel’s reactions would be precipitating factors. But I didn’t understand how those three countries would conceivably ally with each other to fight little Israel.
In fact, there’s a second part to what I used to tell folks worried about some new upheaval in the Middle East.
First I’d say something like, “Not to worry. Take your nerve pill. Watch some old ‘Three Stooges’ movies.”
Then I’d add, “But if there’s ever a day when you see Iran, Russia and China united against Israel — then buckle your chinstrap. That’s the real deal.”
I said this reassuringly because, again, I couldn’t imagine a scenario that would bring together such an alliance.
Now it seems to be happening. As I write this, Israel and Iran are actively shooting at each other.
And according to The New York Times, the Biden administration recently warned the United Nations General Assembly that Iran, Russia and China — along with North Korea — have formed an active coalition to strengthen one another’s militaries. They’re sharing ballistic missiles, drones, artillery shells, machine tools, microelectronics, nuclear technology and “space information.”
Russia is also considering arming the Iran-backed Houthi forces in Yemen with advanced anti-ship cruise missiles, the Times said. The alliance hopes to strengthen Russia in its war with the Ukraine and Iran in its war with Israel.
Granted, this isn’t on the same order of magnitude as a joint invasion of Israel by Iranian, Russian and Chinese troops. It’s not Armageddon.
Not yet. But it does make such a war conceivable. The whole thing is eerie.
This might come to nothing. I’m possibly — you could say, probably — a nut job and an alarmist. I told you that right at the beginning.
Nonetheless, I’m looking for my old football helmet so I can inspect my chinstrap.