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Michelle: [00:03:32] I don’t feel safe and secure with my financial life. Since COVID, we’ve actually started saving money. And we both put money in our IRA for two years in a row. But we live like we’re 25 years old. Just the whole thing about money is triggering. I was supposed to get married and have a husband who took care of me, who took care of my finances, who invested for us. I didn’t think I’d be 52 years old with very little savings, living like 25. When something happens it’s like, “Oh my God, how are we going to pay for that?”
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:14] Where did that story come from that that was how it was supposed to be? Where did you start telling yourself that story?
Michelle: [00:04:20] My parents helping me didn’t really help me
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:23] Tell me more about that.
Michelle: [00:04:25] Yeah, so they always helped me even when I moved away for a little bit. I lived in North Carolina and I wanted to get a one-bedroom apartment. My mom’s like, “Nope, you need a two-bedroom apartment.” So she paid for the two-bedroom apartment. She’s just always like, I wanted to go on a trip, mommy gave me money. I wanted this, mommy gave me money. So it was a pattern and why not? Mommy gave me money. I needed it. I wanted it. So I took it.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:58] And looking back, what lessons do you think you took away from your parents always helping you?
Michelle: [00:05:06] Maybe gratitude and generosity, how people are generous with money and grateful for their financial support.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:16] Anything else?
Michelle: [00:05:18] I don’t think it helped me grow up or be responsible with money. I never had to budget my whole life. I never knew anything about money. We never talked about it at my house either. It was my upbringing. I’m Jewish. So you marry a doctor, the doctor takes care of you. My dad took care of my mom. It’s generational, I think for us.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:46] And when you were meeting Eric, did you have those conversations?
Michelle: [00:05:53] No, I don’t think so. It was a lot of assumptions. I don’t think we ever talked about money. I assumed we both grew up in the same town, we both grew up upper middle class. No, we’d never discussed money before we got married ever.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:11] And how does money come up in your relationship?
Michelle: [00:06:15] It comes up with a lot of feelings and anger.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:19] Oh, like what?
Michelle: [00:06:23] Like anger. I’m angry at him for not being responsible, for not taking care of me, for not talking about it, for not being involved in the savings or any bills, all of that.