How to throw an unmissable party

Throwing a party can be nerve-racking – and when it’s a big production, it can be terrifying. This dawned on me in the run-up to my Martini book launch party earlier this year – an event that had a bit more riding on it than my usual get-togethers.

It made me wonder: how do the pros go about crafting an invitation that one simply can’t turn down? How do they ensure that their event is the one that stands out in the blizzard that is party season?

“Simplicity is key… as long as you have a great location to host the party, I truly believe everyone will come,” says Ivana Giachino, founder of Lo Studio, an agency that conceives some of the luxury world’s most exclusive events. “To get people to fully commit you need to host at a private home. Ruth Rogers’ recent dinner party at her home in Chelsea for Cartier – co-hosted by Jake Gyllenhaal and Idea Culture’s Nick Vogelson – was just perfection: excellent location, superb food and the most interesting mix of creatives you could ask for. Also Charlotte Stockdale and Marc Newson’s dinner party at their apartment in Victoria in honour of Noura Sakkijha, the CEO and co-founder of Mejuri – the coolest apartment I have been to.”

The chance to nose around an extraordinary pad is definitely a plus. Back in May, I was a guest at a dinner hosted by Diane von Furstenberg at her 15th-century palazzo in Venice – an event made all the more memorable by our hostess, who concluded the evening by urging us to go and explore her lodgings.

I always over-invite by about 20 per cent – it makes it feel like a hot ticket

A fun and interesting guest list is also critical, says Paula Fitzherbert, the global head of communications for the Maybourne Group, whose stable includes The Connaught, The Emory and Claridge’s. “I might not have done this 20 years ago but I always mix young and old now – there’s a real appetite for intergenerational parties. I like to include people from different walks of life, and perhaps one or two national treasures. I keep a list on my phone of people I meet where I think, ‘Ooh, they’d be good for a party.’ And I always over-invite, by about 20 per cent, because I always like there to be a few too many people – it makes it feel like a bit of a hot ticket.”

Fitzherbert’s red-letter day is the annual Claridge’s Christmas Tree party, where the hotel’s designer tree is unveiled – an event that attracts a guest list of around 250. “It’s the one time we allow guests upstairs onto the first-floor landing, which they don’t usually have access to. You might see Kate Moss drinking champagne with Joan Collins, and Grayson Perry comparing outfits with Marina Abramović. It’s always a fun night. And there are some tales to be told about the legendary after-parties…”

“Don’t be afraid to mix it up a bit. Difference creates energy,” says Annabel McAvoy, a party expert who’s previously wrangled guests for Elton John’s annual Winter Ball. “But also let guests know who else from their circle of friends you have invited, so that they know they are in good company.”

The printed party invitation – or “stiffy” – is, sadly, a rare sight these days (have you seen the price of a stamp lately?). If it gets sent out at all, it serves as more of a keepsake for the mantelpiece than a curtain-raiser. But even a rather bald e-invite can be turned into something creative, says Harriet Clapham, an art adviser who hosted many star-studded fundraisers. “The invitation is your introduction to the evening, and an opportunity to capture the imagination of your guests. I love to work with a creator, such as my friend, the artist and curator Mafalda Millies Kahane, to make something unique for the occasion.”

And even if it’s just an email, says Fitzherbert, try to personalise it a bit. Clarity is also important. “If it’s dinner, I want to know when we’re sitting down – if someone invites me for 7.30, I don’t want to be standing around for an hour and a half. I also like to know when it’s ending!”

Dress codes are a thing of the past, says publicist Gemma Bell. “What you really want is for people to feel comfortable. The way you word the invitation should give them a good enough indication of what kind of event it is and what they might want to wear.”

The modus vivendi of invites may now be virtual, but Giachino draws the line at a hasty WhatsApp. “I loathe it – for me it is an absolute no. And never ever bcc an invite and blast it out. Never.”

How far in advance should you contact people? That depends, says CEO of Artfarm Ewan Venters, an inveterate party boy whose social set includes King Charles III, Tracey Emin and Judi Dench. “It used to be the case that people would send out invitations six weeks before and never dream people couldn’t make it – even for weddings! But these days the idea of receiving an invitation six weeks before absolutely horrifies me. Increasingly, I think, there are two types of invitation. One is 12 weeks out, where you want to secure it in people’s diaries. But there’s also fun to be had with the very cheeky last-minute invitation. People love a bit of that as well. And you find, particularly with very busy people, that sometimes a space suddenly opens up in their diary.”

When it comes to RSVP’ing “remember, you are either going or you are not”, says the etiquette influencer and author of the bestselling Just Good Manners, William Hanson. “There is no middle ground of ‘maybe attending’, despite what Facebook likes to tell us.”

I’ve always thought it’s bit needy to ask if you can bring a plus one (unless there is a good reason, or it’s a very good person). But HTSI entertaining columnist Laila Gohar is rather more accommodating. “I think generosity in all its forms is what makes a good host – excluding people is so passé. If someone asks to bring their partner, just say yes! There’s always room at my table for one more…” (I’d like to see her tell that to the friend who once turned up at my party accompanied by 10 thirsty druids.)

Cancellations are inevitable – and each one is a dagger to the heart. (I have a friend who maintains it’s kinder to simply not turn up than to send apologies in advance and risk dampening the host’s morale.) “If there’s a Tube strike or the weather goes bad, it can kill you,” says Fitzherbert. “A rainy night is not your friend.” I still squirm at the memory of a carol party I once had, where a light dusting of snow resulted in all my guests gradually dropping out, one by one.

Venters is philosophical about no-shows: “[The socialite, businessman and former FT etiquette columnist] David Tang once said to me, ‘Remember, Ewan, if a guest never responds, or indeed accepts and then declines at the last minute, it’s their loss.’ And since then I’ve always taken that view, so if people cancel I never get stressed.”

As for my book party, I’m pleased to say it was a jolly crush. So it all worked out. At least, until the morning after…