When one door closes… | The Citizen

Whatever happened to the concept of ladies first and where have all the good gentlemen gone, I wondered during a special meeting at Tshwane House last month.

I noticed nine out of 10 men there didn’t open the door for a woman or let her pass first.

Maybe it was the excitement of firing the mayor or the appointment of a new mayor that caused them to forget their manners, but it wasn’t a once-off thing.

I hardly see black men opening doors for women, or letting them enter first. But the many times I’ve walked in front of a white man, nine out of 10 let women walk first – but it’s the opposite with black men.

I can state this so comfortably because I remember how surprised I was recently when a black man made me enter the room first.

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Sometimes being an overthinker seems a good thing, especially in a country like South Africa.

So, I ask myself, what was I expecting when approaching a door? Was I looking for princess treatment, or dare I say, was it because I was white?

I also noted that white men were more likely to let ladies enter first because it has happened to me multiple times.

Despite it being a nice gesture, that in itself also irritates me because the majority of the time when this happened, it was in an unfamiliar place and I ended up asking the man behind me where to go next.

I also wonder if these white men who let me enter first did the same for black women, or if this gesture was culture or colour-related?

Equally, I wondered if black men in general let black women walk or enter a room first, and then realised that I hadn’t been around enough social settings to make a verdict.

Attendances at marches didn’t count. At marches, it is every man and, frankly, every woman for themselves. Imagine the turnout at marches if the men let all the women walk in front, say to the Union Buildings, and waited at the gates for them to enter first.

Another conclusion could be that there were simply more men than women at the council and in the streets at the marches.

Some research led me to the history of the tradition of men holding open doors for women back to the medieval concept of chivalry, which called for women to receive special treatment because of their gender.

The customs of men behaving courteously towards women; holding the door for them, offering them their jackets when it’s cold, was something rooted as far back as the Victorian era.

Ironically, it isn’t relevant in today’s day and age, nor the modern South Africa, it would seem.

The courteous behaviour towards women has not only become extinct, but it has also become a lost art to the point where it is now considered rare.

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I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to basic manners, or was I simply being a woman expecting too much from a man?

Again, the search for the motivation behind the opening of the door led me to the symbolism of doors extending to the notions of a warm welcome and exclusion, which could be translated to the intention of the person or the situation.

While I haven’t figured out what has happened to the “ladies first” concept yet, I am reminded of the quote: “When one door closes, another opens and if it doesn’t, look for a side door or window.”